Bumbling on Egg ShellsDear You . . .I sat at this keyboard for an hour and couldn't make a word Right up until the second LaShawna handed me the laptop I was swearing to be cool and act like your last e-mail (the 'dial back on the psuedo romance' e-mail) didn't affect me at all it's been weird trying to pre-censor what I'm going to write walking on mental egg shells for 24 hours But --- look at me! --- I'm just going to recklessly blurt that your letter made me really sad and that I'm I'm embarrassed and sorry You need to save your energy for your battles at work, I know and that I hate having to do this in writing and that I'll bet we could/can work something out and that I still like you There. That probably really messed things up *sad smile* Fun at the FaireAs we rode todaysome vineyard workers told us that there was a Fair today a few villages down the pike "Oh Goody" we sez to ourzelvze thinking of the Jolly Faires of Burgundy When we got to this "fair" we hardly recognized it as such Twelve-odd suspicious scammers crouched in their carts (like foxholes) and waited (like drug-dealers) for wary locals to peek at their stolen "bads" mostly armor and military regalia . . . . . . often still bloody A guy hung on to my stirrup and tried to sell me his wife or, if the upkeep daunted me, to rent her The only shred of liveliness was a shrieking circle of all ages playing blanket toss with a limp youngster wearing red rouge cheek circles who turned out upon closer examination to be dead Demographic Neutron BombTwenty years agothe Black Death went through this area between Milan and Florence like a toothed scythe slicing and sparing randomly The twenty-somethings who now run things around here are a damaged generation hard-bit, impulsive, pleasure-craving, numbed, terrified, careless . . . e.g. the huge human dogfight cockfight fistfight at the "fair" over some accidentally-bent long shoe-toe (the sick soft real sound of punches not the crisp Hollywood sound) _Post-Traumatic Stress _Survivor Guilt _Unprocessed Grief _Inability to Trust These kids lived through the biblical End Times and no longer know what Time this is These people sold the White Company poisoned wheat just for the fuck of it, apparently What Do June Showers Bring?Allergies?Few things are less comfortable than steel gloves with the fingertips full of water In the News . . .I'm trying to figure out what to talk about.I miss talking about you and me. Your description of the Bush White House's bald-faced global-warming ostrich-behavior makes me realize that it takes two mistakes to make a Quixote 1) You believe you are a knight (the role-playing fallacy) 2) You believe that this is the Age of Knights (the historical fallacy) The two mistakes are co-dependent Bush II is trying to impose an historical fiction through policy He is rolling back the clock acting as though it is an earlier era --- an era of abundant resources and little pollution --- so that he and his friends can act out their role fantasy of being the Successful Americans they grew up reading about *long pause* I'm acting out my fantasy of being the witty observer who never gets involved/implicated whose cynicism keeps his hands clean . . . which doesn't work I swatted the grabby wife-seller at the faire with my hammer (just to get his hand off my leg!) I was annoyed I think I broke his jaw We're all Quixotes Skip is NervousFour guys on horsesare following our combined White-Blue Company Caravan about 3/4 mile back Skip looks back at them obsessively He always shares stuff with me but he won't talk about this I don't like it A Guy At the Faire
|