I Just Figured This Out

Q: Why did Robin Hood wear green?

A: Camouflage!

*smacks forehead*

Duh!

Or maybe I should ask
Why will Robin Hood wear green?
(I'm a little hazy on my chronology)

For the millionth time this year ---

*hollers*

"I wish I knew History better!!!"

I Just Figured Out . . .

. . . why none of the Blue Company
knows History very well

We were selected for ignorance!
(Not stupidity, mind you! Only ignorance!
A bumpkin has his pride, after all.)

Oooooooooooh, we just figured out
a whole lotta things!

When Regine gave her big speech
under the trees
you could've heard a lark fart

Wide eyes, Wide ears, Wide mouths


Merry Forest Camp

For the whole year
we've avoided camping in forests
because
(conventional contractor wisdom states)
forests are where the gang-bangers are

plus miscellaneous goblins (mostly female)

But, I guess we're gangsters now
because we're in this lovely leafy glade
that the Witch's Company calls home

and we're protected by treetop lookouts
wearing green

Coming Home

We move out again on Friday

And then
we're only days away (says Regine)
from blowing this popsicle stand
of a century

and once again bathing in Coca-ColaTM
and rolling around in
Cool-Ranch-flavored potato chips
and watching the Basketball playoffs on TV!!!!

Do you mind if I hug you
the minute I see you?
It would really mean a lot to me.

The Witch's Company are great hosts
and their food is uncharacteristically tasty
--- they use a lot of herbs ---


Dear You I'm happy

maybe it's just relief
at making it through the battle

or suddenly feeling so close to home

And I'm definitely happy
that you got your raise!

La la la la la laaaaaa!

Dear You Dear You!


The Witch's Company Prayed to This


marble thing about 1 foot high
early this morning
and we followed suit
out of courtoisie

It looks like it might be from India


Then They Prayed to This


which is tiny and gold

The Witch's Company is about
30 men and 5 women


The Witch Herself

Is a Senior Midwife/Herbologist
in her 50s
with bright eyes and bad knees
Her two sons are the day-to-day Captains

She's smart and cranky
and definitely runs the show

For long treks, like our half-Marathon
escape from the battle yesterday
she sits in this backpack

with a little roof on it

and this dude with thighs from hell
runs with her


Tonight We're Gonna Party

. . . like it's 1399

The guest of honor?

Bossie-the-Hamburger
yum

It's the only time we've had beef
the whole trip


The Second Thing . . .

. . . I'm going to do
when I get back
(after hugging you first)

is see my old therapist

because the thing I'm totally blocking out
of my mind right now

is the state I got into
during the battle yesterday

I turned into a wolfman

big time

really wanted to hurt people

not proud of it
but there it is

don't worry

I'm going to deal with it


So, Regine Says . . .

I take full responsibility
for what has occurred in the last 24 hours

*hands behind her back*

*voice big and clear*

This should not affect your careers
It is an issue between me and the corporation

*pause*

But just in case there is unexpected fallout
I'm going to give you more information
than people at your employment grade
usually get

*Blue Company leans forward en masse*

The mission of Blue Company
is to make small changes in History
that improve the value
of [something something something]
publicly traded securities
in the 21st century

*perplexed looks all around*

I don't expect you to understand completely
Part of your qualification
for this assignment
was a lack of interest
in Political History and Current Events

*whistling sound of plummeting self-esteem*

*Regine looks up into the trees
for a simple explanation*

We make fortunes for people
in the Stock Market

Just like most other jobs

*thirty-six people look sheepishly
at their silly costumes*

I was given an assignment
by our Mutual Fund Manager
that would have involved the deaths
of between six hundred and eight hundred
human beings

And I refused

*long pause*

That is not what I agreed to

*really long pause*

I felt like a dope

a naive immature
Linguistics-Literature dope

but a happy dope

a lucky dope, for sure

Skip wants the laptop, now



See you Soon!!!!


What does beef taste like, again?
varmint?


Bert-Hault, the Ignorant-But-Still-
All-in-All-a-Decent-Fellow-Wolf-Giant-
With-Unresolved-Anger-Issues-But-He's-
Aware-of-Them-at-Least