July 31, 2004
note to self: get a grip
Oh cripes and crikeys, you guys! What'shappening tome? I'm starting tohave terrifying dreams. Dreams with Liselot in them ofcourse! I miss her! I'm dreamingof roomy houses withbackyards and Liselot and I both living there --- together! Aaaagggh! I'mdreaming of beingwith her next year, and the year after that, and the decade after that, and the century afterthat! Eeek! And I'mdreaming of dandling a littleAllen and a littleLiselot in myfatherly lap! Yoiks! Worst ofall --- the dreams feel good! Realgood. WhatamI, nuts? Prose & Cons. Cons: I don't know herthatwell. Whoknows what hiddenagendas shemight have? The bloomfades. Pros: Liselot, Liselot, and more Liselot. Brains and Body, Attention and Affection. It's gonna mean lots of travel. I'm nuts, I'm nuts. I'm changing. I'm readyreadyready!July 29, 2004
c'mon! where are ya?
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July 28, 2004
on fire
Oh, oh, uhoh only 28 more hours tospend with her, the onlyher, the besther, the one her. Such urgency. Sleep can wait. She flies back to NY and I to Chicago tomorrow. Amazingly weare both doinggreat work at the brainstorming meetings. The executiveslove our ideas. Weare in the zone. We are onfire. Weare brainstorming for eachother and eachother only. Only 27hours 54minutes, butwho'scounting? I'mcounting, that's who. I count! She counts! Nothingelse counts. Herfreckles form constellations allover, constellations I have named. Lovesick stargazer. Tick, tick, tick. I found a woodtick (insect) on her hip amongst the stars and I burned it out, she across my lap on hotel bed with matches and hilarity. Sore from laughter, et cetera. Whatwill I do without my golden sky?July 27, 2004
vol 12, Issue 29
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The Teeny Tiny Times | weather |
| July 27, 2004 |
Wittig's Numerous Species Join in Disbelief of Northern Buffoon Blogger's Idiocy ACADEMICIAN VERNATSKIY STATION, ANTARCTICA ---A handsome spokesbird for IAPE (Intelligent, Attractive Penguins Everywhere) respnded yesterday to the reaction of Northland blogger Roger Wittig to the latest issue of the Teeny Tiny Times. |
Computers Penguins in Particular Found to Thrive Without Pesky Machines MAWSON STATION, ANTARCTICA ---Why would a creature situated on a beautiful ice sheet nearby open water with abundant fishing ever need a personal computer, throughtful penguins ask themselves. |
Penguin Dolls Selling Well Worldwide, Despite Poor Likeness Clumsy Sewing No Deterrent to Appealing Species' Huge Popularity ACADEMICIAN VERNATSKIY STATION, ANTARCTICA --- A penguin economist and champion fish catcher today released figures proving that penguins are among the best-selling cute animal toys upon the whole globe. The penguin in question cuts a fine figure himself, to turn a phrase. |
it comes to penguins, don't you know. A ferret, in general can only be trusted as far as it can be thrown. And let's not even get started about human beings. Two footed, two handed, and two-faced --- that about sums up humans. North America is a Ridiculous Place to Live, Most Sensible Creatures Insist "It's So Obvious it Hardly Bears Repeating," Expert Relates NOVALAZAROVSKAYA STATION, ANTARCTICA ---Who would ever want to live where it is Winter during summertime! What idiots! How can they catch any fish? |
July 26, 2004
ponder well
| googlepoem for allen: ponder well | ||
... unconditionally perfect love typically not based on reality. ... immoral and represents ... moderate feelings, as one finds them in nature (Bovary 59 ... new life and the potential for ... a free Spirit Card to your friends; Apply for our new Love and Light ... and perhaps
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July 23, 2004
allen, as your friend . . .
Allen --- what's re:ally going on with this Liselot per.sonne? Is this a f(ar-f)li(u)ng? Is she even based in the U(.)S(.) per(temp)manent(orari)ly? Will she return to F(a)r.ance after the pro.ject you're working on? Allen --- wha!t about all our conver(sen)sations about in.tim(e)acy and being rea(ll)dy for a re(a)lationship? Are you (w)r(ong)ight back to your old(e) pat.tern? Take a moment and con.sid(h)er. |
July 22, 2004
"ha ha"
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July 21, 2004
Vol 12, Issue 28
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The Teeny Tiny Times | weather |
| July 21, 2004 |
Penguins Earn Reputation as Noble Bird "Flightless, Schmightless" Says Spokesbird DUMONT D'URVILLE, ANTARCTICA --- A spokesbird for the entire world-wide Assembly of Penguins today proclaimed for the 1,250th time that penguins are noble animals, worthy of trust and praise by primates of all stripes. "The fact that we cannot fly is constantly overrated and overvalued by our detractors," stated the handsome spokesbird. Flight itself is overrated." |
N. Hemishpere Blogger Wittig Unfair to Penguins Slights and Insults Fill Ridiculous robwit.net MAWSON STATION, ANTARCTICA --- Three especially good-looking penguins announced today that they are officially protesting the number and nature of "penguin gags" on the web log ("blog") or one Rob Wittig of the Northern Hemisphere |
"Had Wittig a shred of sense in that giant simian head of his, he would realise that he should not only leave penguins out of his blog, but he should be sending large barrels of fish this way. We are hungry," said the middle penguin, who is extraordinarily beautiful. Poll: Penguins Dislike Blogs 73% of the Elegant Birds Interviewed Couldn't Care Less ACADEMICIAN VERNATSKIY STATION, ANTARCTICA --- A poll released today by the APWCCLAI , The Association of Pentuins Who Couldn't Care Less About the Internet, contained a scathing condemnation of blogs, bloggers, and the entire practice of blogging. In short: "Primates: give up" i |
Penguins Especially Pretty in Dim Light Lengthy Antarctic Twilight "Built to Make Penguins Look Appealing," Expert Avers NOVALAZAROVSKAYA STATION, ANTARCTICA --- No floodlight? No problem. Photographers will be pleased to learn that penguins are particularly photogenic when the sun is low upon the horizon.  |
July 20, 2004
idyll
Oh, it allgets pretty simple! Life is reduced (or Ishould say, Life is expanded) to two(2) simple questions: when will I get to see her again? and how much time can I spend with her? Wego to meetings and nod andpretend to be engaged (did I say "engaged"?) but all that's on our minds is gettingback to the hotel. At least that's all that's on mymind. She's dragging me over the coals about both Bush and Kerry. "American politics spans the poltical gamut --- from A to B," she says. We send each other messages on our handheld BlackBerry devices constantly. It's like holdinghands. We are so damned cute. We have a thousand ways to act efficientlybusy and bustle among our effects inorder to secretly keyboard sweet nothings.July 19, 2004
if a penguin . . .
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between philosophers and neuroscientists . . . with art and music thrown in as the "evidence" . . . to complicate things further. July 16, 2004
our story so far
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July 15, 2004
poem for allen: when it really happens
| when it really happens | ||
when it really happens, breathe when it really happens, remember the time and date when it really happens, don't read this when it really happens, groove on the smells and textures when it really happens, let your fingers do the talking when it really happens, separate then from now when it really happens, let it be new
(hard to do)
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for real
Success. Success, my friends. Success, or is it? The real thing is so very, well, real, really. The "ouch" and "excuseme " of it all. Really. The elbows and taste of her. For real. The underwear and toothbrush and towel of it. The armfallenasleep and and and the smell of cigarettesmoking-as-I-woke-up of it all. But real. But nice. But real. But reallynice. But real. Help! Uh oh. Happy? Happy. Now what? Coo unsyn?July 14, 2004
souvenir means memory
Iam the proudowner ofa souvenirashtray. Proudstealer, Isuppose. But, hey,it's advertising forthe hotel, right? Why, youask? As wetalked lastnight, Liselot twirled thisparticular ashtray. As shetalks, her handsmustplay. The accoutrements of smoking areherfavorite toys. Besides me, that is. Aswe talkedabout her childhood outside of Dijon (yes, she is a fine Burgundy) her lefthand spun the ashtry counterclockwise. When shetalksabout emotionallydifficult incidents (drunkenmom, cruel highschoolgirls) the pace of the ashtrayslows toacrawl, her beautiful finger tips walk ing the rim care ful ly. When she's talksabout elated times (coming to Paris for University, travels in Tunisia) her wholehand gives thething a spin, spin, spin and the ashtray wanders the table between our wineglasses, traversing napkins and skipping straws. The whirling ashtray (dumping the longtime slug boyfriend, comingto theStates for the job we're on) at the height of happiness even surfed a long tablepuddle of icewater condensation andmade a plunge for the tableedge! She held the ashtray tight as she said: "Allen, youact like your littlefriends are coachingyou whattosay tome. Only relax!" Well, my littlefriends, I amplunging for the tableedgemyself. Wemeet for dinneragain tonight and Ihave a tingly feeling about it. Herromm or myroom? Hmmm. Betterget my socksoffthefloor.July 13, 2004
quest ions yes quest ions
Yes, Iam in LosAngeles. Yes, Iamstaying at the same swankyhotel as the fascinatingLiselot.Yes, Iwas wellprepared to meetandgreet withher at the barlastnight. No, shedidnotshow up. No, Idonot knowwhy. I took thebest from everyone'sadvice. From 'wordsman Itook the encouragement to begoofy andnatural in whatIsay. From 'wordsman's otheradvice Itook amoment toaskmyself whatIreally want. (It's her. Yep. That's the answer. Yep.) From Beverly Itook theprinciple to listen, listen, and listensomemore. Buthow can Ilisten if she's not talking with me? If Idon't know whereshe is? Isshe ditching me so early? AmI too intoher? Ishould seeher in the generalmeeting thisafternoon at 1:00. Oh, timemoves so slow. Shesmokes and shedoesn'tlike computers. Iknow Iknow. Red Flag City. Yes, I know. No, I care not.July 10, 2004
minutes of friday's literary lunch in exile
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July 08, 2004
ease-play elp-hay
Ohgreat, youguys! Now I'mtotally confused! I'm goingtofollow 'wordsman'sadvice and go inthere and sayto Liselot: "Coo unsyn! Let's gamble! Weeee!" and she'sgoingto fall into myarms. And/or I'm goingtofollow Beverly'sadvice and justlistentoher and gofrom there. Ineed a plan, I needa plan! Liselot and I arehavingdinner again tonight, and then we both fly apart forafewdays, then wewill see eachother again in LosAngeles on the 12th, for anotherseries of meetings onthis project. Howcan I keepher thinking ofme until then? Yeah, howimportant is thefact that she shuns computers? Is it a deal breaker? Should I (agggh it feels so embarrassing tosayit thisway) should I "make my move" tonight, or wait untilthe 12th?July 07, 2004
don't listen to him
'wordsman, ma dearie, you are so lame! 1st, you ply poor Allen with horrifying pickup lines ---
2nd, you tell him 2B (or knot) himself! 3rd, you sc(are) him into p.u.!lling back a.cross the solar system! Let the ma(lle)n m(ache)ake his ow!n miss.Take's. And ear.n h.is own try.umph!s. Just *listen* to her, Allen, c'est tou.t.hat's all. |
July 06, 2004
advice; things to do
| romance advice to allen, 2 | ||
But humorously, Allen . . . B & B. Breathe and Be yourself. Although it's fun to get intense about a new love interest, don't put too much gravity in it. Don't get too goal oriented. Don't assume a liaison is what you want. Take it step by step, and ask yourself at each step: "Is this really working for me? Is it really still fun?" I know you, my friend. your love of winning can blind you to the big picture. Treat yourself to a big picture snapshot every 20 minutes or so to keep your perspectitve. Look at things, say . . . from the other side of the solar system for a moment. That said, bon chance, mon ami! May the sun's wind be at your back and the moon's gravity at a 34 degree forward angle toward your intentions! |
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advice; things to say
| googlepoem, romance advice to allen | ||
| ... My Petpet! This is my Barbat named Turkey! He's really great! I love it when he
says "Coooo Unsyn"! I think he says I'm cool!! Back to the Top! My Abilities! ...
... Re: calling all bed-wetters and ambulance chasers. agreed, i also love it when he says "sinew" and uses alliteration. god bless the bookish boys. ... ... comes bursting thru that door, mama leaps and hits the floor Calling himself Louis Quatorze, he's so young and dangerous Oh I love it when he says so seriously ... ... I would love to meet him. hehe. He is my favorite player. I love it when he says lets gamble. sends shivers down my back hehe. Posted ... ... In short, love, emotion and broken hearts," Donnelly says. I love it when he says "wee,'' which he does every couple of sentences. ... ... I love it when he says "all our fears fall on deaf ears" and "they burned the roads ... I LOVE Dragonball Z! It's the best show ever! And Captain Ginyu is the best character! I love it when he says "GOOOOOO GINYU!" and shoots his Ginyu-shot! Yeah! ... ... Custom (Admins Only). REMOVE. BAN LOCK TOTAL ERASE. lol, i love it when he says "we did them" or when he shouts "COMING" stuff like that. ... .. t-shirt. On the back it would say "It's harrrible." "You are just the cutest thing eh-va!". I love it when he says that. But I don ... |
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July 05, 2004
advice to allen
oh my dear U R in a particuler p(r)ickle R N 2? My ad(vice) in a nuts!hell: 1_not.hing is less new than the news how ever it be.hoves U 2 stay in.form.ed; read a new (nonU.S.) spaper ([b]rush up ur hi, school frahnsay!) or a new (nonU.S.) ssite 1nce daylei 2_get O.ver the e(x)otica factor, boi; this is a woman U R deal.ing w,i,th pur et simple, re.member the gol.dern rule, gol.dern it |